SayWhat?! Series was wrapped up Sunday and I’m really glad that we did it.  It’s the kind of info that you might hear at a marriage or a family seminar.  But the problem with only sharing that kind of help on special occasions is that some folks will never attend a marriage seminar.  This is why we do church a little differently!

We do church the way we do to reach people where they are, and lead them to full devotion in Jesus.

It’s a process… In other words, full devotion in Jesus may never become a priority unless someone first reaches out to that person right where they are.  And many people are right in the middle of constant fights with their spouse and parents, and kids and they are held down by past hurts and unresolved bitterness.  This is why I shared this special message series about love and forgiveness.

Here’s a reminder of the Five Love Languages

• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Quality Time
• Gifts
• Physical Touch

And here’s a reminder of the Languages of Apology

Expressing Regret…This is about expressing that you feel hurt, guilty and ashamed about what you did.

Accepting Responsibility…This is about verbalizing that you were wrong.  You own up to it and will not deflect blame on anything or anyone else.

Making Restitution…This is about making up for what you’ve done.  Here is where the Five Love Languages and the Languages of Apology intersect.  If you want to make restitution for wronging someone, you would do best to speak the love language of the person you’re apologizing to.

Genuinely Repenting…This is about having a change of heart as well as a change of behavior.  You verbalize steps you’re taking to never do this again.

Requesting Forgiveness…This is becoming humble enough to literally ask the person, “Will you forgive me?”

If you would like to hear the message from Team Church again, click the “Message Series” tab above or click here.

If you would like to see Gary Chapman, author of the Five Love Languages, speak about the subject, click here for some great free resources.

The SayWhat?! series has been very practical in helping families connect emotionally.  The first week was all about discovering the Love Language of you and your mate.  The second week was about discovering the Love Language of Children.

What are the Five Love Languages?

• Words of Affirmation…This is expressing love, encouragament, and praise verbally such as literally saying “I love you.”
• Acts of Service…This is expressing love by doing things for the person you love such as making a favorite meal.
• Quality Time…This is expressing love by spending time with the one you love.  It could be sharing a meal or taking a walk.
• Gifts…This is expressing love in tangible things that you give as a gift.  It may be a wildflower that you bring inside, or larger gifts that say, “I was thinking of you.”
• Physical Touch…This is expressing love through physical contact such as with hugs, kisses, and intimacy.

The most important thing to remember with Love Languages is that

–We each have a primary love language. This is how we most clearly communicate love, and most clearly receive the message “I love you.”  If we don’t receive this message clearly enough in the way we expect, we can easily feel unloved.

–You must speak the love language of your mate or your child if you want to communicate love.  Knowing your own love language is nice, but it is crucial that you know and speak the love language of the one you love.  This is not easy…it will take as much effort and will feel as foreign as learning a new language or culture.  Your spouse and your children most likely have a different love language than you.

–Finally, when it comes to children, you must speak all five Love Languages.  Of course, you should look for clues for their potential primary love language.  If you speak in this langage, you will best communicate your love.  However, you must speak all five love languages to children.  They need all of the expressions of love to develop properly.

We spent Sunday talking about how to communicate love to those you love.  Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages is always an interesting topic whether it’s a refresher course for you or you’re hearing about it for the first time.  I’d love to hear back from you how it has changed the way you communicate love to your spouse!

As the pastor of a brand new ministry it’s important to me to communicate not only love, but also warmth, and acceptance to those I see on Sundays, especially to those who are first time guests.  It’s most likely true what people say about “first impressions,” and the question is, “What are you communicating to others?”

Just as spouses often miscommunicate their true feelings to one another, I believe those already “in” the church can miscommunicate to those “outside” the church.  If you think about the love language solution for spouses, you may see that there is some similarity when it comes to church.

In a marriage the Five Love Languages would tell you to express love in the way that your spouse understands…even when it’s not your preferred way to express and receive love.  The same could be said for churchgoers…the key to communicating love the best is to view it from their perspective more than our own.

So think about it…if you were brand new to the Team Church ministry, what would communicate love, warmth, and acceptance above all else?

Would it be that someone affirmed you with thanks, and encouraged you to return?  For some, that is everything, and for others, those are just words.
Would it be that someone spent some engaging quality time with you over a donut hole?  For some it’s too close, too soon, but for others, you’ve become the friendliest church in town.
Perhaps you’re looking for the personal touch, and handshakes or hugs may communicate it best.  Or perhaps what would make you feel most invited is noticing the sacrifices made so that church can happen.  If you’re a newcomer, maybe the biggest thing that communicated was that someone offered you a cup of coffee.

Boy, it’s tough to communicate to everyone when everyone receives love so differently!  Yep, it is. But communicating love is the greatest thing you can do.  Just remember to consider expressing your love, warmth, and acceptance with their perspective in mind. I’ll share with you my list of ways to communicate with others on Sunday morning tomorrow.

This Sunday I’m excited to start a new sermon series on communicating love to those you love.  The information comes from Gary Chapman, who teaches that there are five languages of emotional love.   Maybe you’ve heard of his, “Five Love Languages.”

The reason it’s called a love language is because it describes how we give and receive love, much like we speak and listen to others.

I took French in High School, but I doubt that I could really communicate with a native Frenchman who, in-turn could not speak English.  We’d point, gesture, make faces, draw pictures, nod, and grunt a lot, but I’m sure there wouldn’t be a whole lot of clearly understood communication.

In the same way, if my spouse speaks a different primary love language than me, and I don’t speak her’s, then communicating emotional love is going to be very limited. (by the way, we do speak different languages…and it is limited when we aren’t trying very hard)

The vast majority of couples do not speak the same love language, so it’s extremely important that you learn to speak your mate’s language if you want to communicate love. Just like learning a foreign language, it can be very difficult, but it can be done if you try.

In preparation of this Sunday, place your vote on this poll to see what love language you think you speak, and come Sunday for the beginning of this very practical series!

You can choose one or two answers below.  Feel free to comment below too.  I’d love to hear if you’ve studied the Five Love Languages before.  See you Sunday!!!